What the Lord is teaching me through our journey to Grace during this Christmas season:

As I watch the nativity story with Jonathan, the Lord showed me something so huge…that I don’t understand how all these years I have been blinded to this event.  Mary and Joseph, they were apart of the first adoption story. Wow, how monumental is that!! And more than that, how did I miss it. Jesus is God’s son not Mary and Joseph’s.  God found them worthy to take Jesus as their own, to protect, love and care for him. Mary could have said, “no.” Joseph knew he wasn’t the father and he was going to be looked down upon but he said, “Yes.” They both said yes, yes to God, yes to watching and bringing up a child that was not their own, but God himself! People were not lying when they said adoption is close to God’s heart, it is His heart, it is how our God chose to begin Jesus’ ministry on this earth. The earth that is not His home and not our home!!!!!!

Not Jesus’ home….. that is the second thought that He showed me yesterday as we drove to the orphanage. He showed me the parallel between earthly adoption and Jesus life.  First thing, I love America, quite of few times I have found myself singing the song, ‘God bless America’, I love it and I miss the United States of America sooooooooooooo much!!!! I miss my house and everything in it, my dogs, family, friends, our food, church, our youth, the sun, our buildings, shopping, our wonderful weather, Christians, and smiling faces even if they don’t mean it, just to name a few. I deeply miss home and miss being home for Christmas. But…Grace makes me stay, makes me want to go through it all because I want to give her a home, a life that she deserves! I want her to know there is a better life for her.  I want to take her away, away from this place that is not her home and give her a new life, a happy, loving, God centered up-bringing!  So, the two trips are worth it, the being in a dark, unfamiliar place is ok, because I know it is only for a short time. Jesus, you did this, you did this for me and for all these people. We are undeserving people and ungrateful for the sacrifice that you made. No one would want to come to earth from heaven, where everything is perfect and amazing. But you did for me, for us because you thought we were worth it and I thank you Jesus.  You knew there was a better place for us. A place where there is no death, no sin, just love and joy; a perfect place that you want to share with all of mankind. I thank you for loving me and leaving your perfect home to come into a dark world and you didn’t even come into money but into a poor family.  You were born in a manger; do we really ever think about what sacrifices you made for us even before the ultimate sacrifice you gave on the cross?  I will answer, and I say no, and I am so sorry! Lord you are so much more worthy than we give you credit for and we don’t show it by the way we live our lives. Thank you Father for taking me across the world to show me and I am truly grateful for the life lesson.

On the same car ride to the orphanage God taught me another lesson. This one, this lesson, it cut down deep. This lesson is a slap in the face but at the same time makes me smile because the King of all Kings loves me no matter how unworthy I am. Some of you might not know, but I was sick for a week during this trip. The first couple of days with Grace were amazing. She was giving equal attention to Jonathan and I and it was perfect. When I got sick, I didn’t see Grace for almost a week. Don’t get me wrong I was happy Jonathan got some daddy daughter time but the downside was when I came back to see her, she was not as interested in me. It hurt and I was sad in my heart.  She came to me and played but it wasn’t the same. Not to mention, I just look like another caregiver to her.  So as we were on the way to the orphanage on Saturday I was praying that she would love me and want to be with me as much as she did with Jonathan.  Then……God spoke in a still small voice, “That is how I feel.” Wow!!!!!!!!!!!! That statement shook me to the core. I love Grace so much and I have sacrificed a lot for her. I love her already so much that is hurts, I just want to be with her, love her, care for her, protect her, play with her, give her everything her heart desires, and just be in her presence. That is what I feel already, and I want her to feel the same about me but she doesn’t yet and it makes me sad. (this is not a pity party I just want you to know in detail) But God said to me I love you and want to be with you, spend time with you, be your number one, talk to you,  listen to you, protect you, talk with you, cry with you, and I just want you. But sometimes, you forget me, I am not your number one and you look other places, you forget to talk to me, love me, focus on me, be with me, and let me be your main focus.

He has sacrificed everything for me, and yet I don’t show Him what He deserves. That breaks my heart and I am so sorry Lord. On Christmas day you have given me great gifts and as we celebrate the birth of Christ, I thank you for the precious gifts that you showed me, the past two days.

Last week- A little humor from daddy

Day 352. Well, maybe it hasn’t been that long but it sure does seem like it. There are two movies that I am going to compare my life too in this blog. Let me first begin with the one that relates the most to this trip as a whole. If you are into classic horror psycho movies then you will completely understand what I’m about to say. In the movie “The Shining” Jack Nicholson moves his family into a resort to care for it during the winter months. Seems easy enough. Get paid, make some money… all by just taking care of an abandon resort during the winter.  Little did he know that the place would ultimately get the best of him when he realizes that it was haunted by past guests, bitterly cold outside, and too far from any form of civilization. He loses his mind and talks to ghosts, and tries to kill his family! How does that relate to me? I’m so glad you asked! I’m stuck for 3 weeks in Russia, its 17 degrees outside, the air feels like razors on your skin, only 2 people at McDonalds speak English, I’m sick of Russian Sausage, wife has been sick for a week, there taking all of my money, my 10 day waiting period is up yet I’m still here, No TV, Internet is a block away (did I mention the temp), and I have to spend Christmas here! So, I’m feeling a little bit like Jack right now in the movie! I’m needing a good dose of Alabama back in my life to help me get back to some sense of sanity!

Now, on to the second movie. Two days ago I sat down in a car with a complete stranger, alone, who barely spoke any English. Our facilitator’s car broke down and was in need of repair. I was informed that morning that we would be taken to the orphanage over the next few days by someone named Nic. He was a college student with a nice car. In Russia, this already makes me nervous… how does this guy get a new car? He drove a black car with black tinted windows. Hmmm…??? I felt like Hollywood would soon be filming the second installment of “Taken”. Except I was going to be kidnapped and sold as a slave in Russia bye a guy named Nic. As we sped out of the parking lot, it was no less comforting that we were blaring Russian Rap music as well as some very strange violin techno beats. As we cruised down the two lane road at a good 75+ mph I was playing over and over in my head how the scenario was going to play out. Would I jump from the car or would I grab the pen in the door pocket and stab him? These thoughts and more consumed me as we traveled to the orphanage. “Taken 2” The Adoption.

Needless to say, this big Russian college student turned out to be a nice guy who is going into dentistry and will probably die of lung cancer due to his chain smoking. Sad to say… everyone here is a chain smoker and a drinker. However, I completely understand why. Out of the week and a half we have been here. The sun has not graced us with its presence nor does the forecast call for it to throughout the remainder of the trip. If dark clouds, rain, snow, ice, freezing razor sharp wind, and gloom is your cup of tea… then let me recommend this place to you! It covers every one of those descriptions 100%!

During this week Jessica has been sick. Which means, that I had the chance to spend some daddy daughter time with the rug rat! We had a blast playing with all the junk toys that the orphanage has to offer while all the while inhaling the fumes of leaking natural gas! Neither one of us seemed to mind in the moment. Afterwards I felt a little queasy, but who cares. It was some good times. I took lots of pictures while she played dress up with the toboggan and gloves. I realized that she likes music and walking back and forth on what looks like a rope latter. I think it may be used to help babies learn how to balance and walk. Not real sure.

Well, we have one more week left in Voronezh before we board a train and head back to Moscow on the 26^th. As excited as I am to get there because it means we only have 3 more days, I am not excited about paying 350 dollars a night at the hotel. For those reading this…. I have to turn the negativity into humor… or else Hollywood may make “The Shinning 2”. Farewell faithful followers! Until we read again!

Daddy thoughts (After court)

Well, court is over and we are now in the waiting process. I am deeply relieved that the biggest step is over with. I cant begin to explain to you how it felt to hear the judge read aloud our daughters new name, “Grace Alina Taylor.” We had worked so hard and made sure that all the paperwork was in order so that the judge would have no reason other than the possibility of our wrong answers, to deny us. We stood in confidence and spoke with boldness so that she would truly understand our passion and our desire to call her our own. As we waited we joked and laughed with the district attorney. We showed him our picture album that the Newman Family had made for us to bring. It was a book with pictures and titles for us to show our friends and Grace once we arrived. He commented on what beautiful friends and family we have. We also had to give an explanation as to why we had a servant in our family named Erin. For a split second I thought we might have an issue! Nevertheless, we all laughed and smiled knowing that very soon each one of our friends and family, not only in that album, but so many more would meet the little girl we have fallen in love with. This waiting process is miserable and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. In fact it has caused me to say a prayer for all of those that have to go through this. It’s difficult to know that your child is sitting in an old house that looks as if it only has a few more months to stand. The gas furnaces leaves a stench in your nostrils that causes you to feel nauseas and queasy. At best, she is probably picked up and held once a day if at all. Being that we are only 20 minutes down the road and are here, we can only see her once a day. We are also not guaranteed that we will see her everyday. This is somewhat confusing and pointless as well as many other things we have found out along the way. All I can say is this has been the most expensive and mentally draining thing I believe I have ever done. Surely there is an easier way for adopting parents. What is required should be illegal.

On to better things I suppose. We are at the point where we are running out of things to do other than watch movies. Did I mention that we watch movies? Oh, and we watch movies. However, it is nice to be able to sit by the window, do a little work, drink some hot tea, and watch as the snow falls. This has been a break from the business of ministry but I must say, I am beginning to miss it! Supposedly in the next few days we will go see a Russian Opera. There are 2 things about this that cause me to have mixed emotions. 1. I hate Opera 2. I don’t understand Russian! I guess it’s all for the sake of an experience! Personally, Russian Spongbob seems to be a little more entertaining. Yes, that means I have watched it here! How ridiculous! 

Visit with Grace and Court!

Anxious, excited, nervous, and ready to jump out of my skin, that is what I was feeling on the train ride to Voronezh! Just knowing we were getting closer and closer to our baby girl. It is a hard thing to say in words, the feeling of wondering will she remember us, has she thought of us, will she love us and will she know that we are her parents. Will she feel how much we love her and how much we want to take her home and give her the life that she deserves.
We got to see her the first day we arrived and to our surprise she honestly didn't seem to remember us. My heart kind of stopped, i was just so ready for her to run to us and hug us but the opposite happened. Now.... some factors played in to her probably being like this, there were a lot of people in the room, and she is in a new orphanage(she has been in there for a week). But it still broke my heart a little, but the joy of seeing her out weighed  any other emotions that i was feeling. She is beautiful and perfect! My heart melts at the sight of her...beautiful blue eyes, chubby cheeks, dimples that could melt the coldest heart, and that is the precious baby girl that God has given us to take care of.  Ohhhhh...how blessed and honored we are and no matter how challenging it gets, God will only give us what we can handle and He promises to never leave us or forsake us! What an amazing promise to cling to.
The dr. left the room after a while and of course Grace began to cry, i picked her up and she laid her head on my shoulder and that is a feeling I can't describe, but i took in every minute. At the end of the visit she was laughing a little more and stealing kisses from mommy and daddy and that made both of our days!
COURT!!!!!!
WENT AMAZING!!!! JONATHAN WAS NOT NERVOUS BUT I WAS BEFORE COURT!!!! ONCE WE ENTERED THE COURT ROOM , I FELT A PEACE AND KNEW GOD WAS FOR US SO WHO COULD BE AGAINST US!!!!!  WE HAD A COUPLE OF MINUTES TO CHAT AND THEN THE JUDGE ENTERED AND WE ALL STOOD AS SHE WALKED TO HER SEAT AT THE FRONT OF THE ROOM. FIRST, WE ALL HAD TO STAND ONE AT A TIME AND SAY OUR NAMES, BIRTH DATES, AND WHERE WE LIVED. OUR FRIENDS HAD TO SIGN PAPERS AND THEN THE QUESTIONS BEGAN. SHE ADDRESSED JONATHAN FIRST AND HE DID AMAZING!!! HE ANSWERED WITH CONFIDENCE AND BOLDNESS. THEN IT WAS MY TIME. IT IS PRESSURE, KNOWING THAT WHAT I SAY CAN MAKE OR BREAK US TAKING OUR DAUGHTER HOME. THE HOLY SPIRIT SPOKE THROUGH ME, I DID NOT RAMBLE. I WAS DIRECT AND LOOKED THE JUDGE IN THE EYE THE ENTIRE TIME. I CAN'T IMAGINE NOT HAVING GOD WITH ME EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, WHAT A LONELY PLACE THAT MUST BE. I AM NOTHING WITHOUT HIM AND I WOULD HAVE MESSED UP EVERY WORD UP WITHOUT HIM!!!! AFTER QUESTIONS, OUR FRIENDS ON OUR SIDE HAD TO TELL ABOUT GRACE AND WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH AND WHAT THEY THOUGHT OF US. IT IS SAD KNOWING THIS BABY GIRL WAS NOT WANTED, ONE COUPLE EVEN  LOOKED, BUT THEY READ HER DIAGNOSIS AND SAID, NO TO HER. BUT WE KNOW THAT IS GOD, SHE WAS TO BE OURS!!! THANK YOU GOD FOR THAT, AND WORKING OUT THE DETAILS. AFTER EVERYONE SPOKE THE JUDGE LEFT. WE WAITED 5 MINUTES AND IT SEEMED TO ME TO BE A VERY LONG 5 MINUTES! THE JUDGE ENTERED THE ROOM AND SHE READ HER NEW NAME, GRACE ALINA TAYLOR AND THAT SHE WAS TO BE OURS. OF COURSE I TEARED UP, WHAT MOTHER WOULDN'T. WHAT A RELIEF TO KNOW THAT PART WAS OVER. WEIGHT LIFTED OFF SHOULDERS.....CHECK!!!!!!!

Daddy's thoughts (trip two)

Trip Two

It’s December 7, 2011 and we are on a train ride from Moscow to Voronezh for our final visit to hopefully bring our little girl home. Jessica continues to ask me if im excited. I truly am but I’m also emotionally and mentally drained. I know that there is a huge day ahead when we will walk into a courtroom and do our very best to prove to a stranger that we are worthy parents. I believe they could ask any of our close friends and family that know us well and they would agree that we were. But, the reality is we have to prove ourselves before someone who will judge us based off of all that we say.  It’s a moment in time where the right words must be said or the outcome may be very different. Aghhhh it’s something that I look forward to getting over with. How great is God though to give us the strength and the words to say in times of need. I believe that when the court date has passed, I will be able to express more joy and excitement about allthat God is blessing us with. Even as I type this, joy overcomes worry at the thought of her meeting her grandparents for the first time and the Cook clan, Brad & Amanda, David & Mallory, all the new cousins, and all of our youth that we consider family and friends and the church family at GABC! We should receive her into our care on December 23, 2011 and will spend her very first Christmas with her in her home country on the 25^th.  I look forward to bringing her home for her to meet her new family and all those that we love.  My prayer is that this time will go by swiftly and we will return home soon with no worries or struggles. We serve a great God who loves us despite who we are. I’m thankful for the blessings he has given us in this journey.

Daddy's thoughts (trip one)

Trip One

Let me start by saying, this has been a wild and crazy adventure so far. It has been filled with joy and frustration but never the later overcoming the joy we have in gaining a beautiful baby girl! Trip one is coming to a close and its difficult to sit and reflect on all that has taken place knowing that we will spend the next few months thinking about and wondering what our baby girl is doing.  Thoughts go through my mind… will she remember us? Will she get to look at the pictures? Did she feel the same connection that we did? Will she sit and wait over the next few months for our return? Does she think we were just another man and woman coming to play or visit? We were told of how exciting this trip would be, but we were also warned of how difficult it is to leave her. I guess you can say this is that time of difficulty.

As the next few months and weeks pass, I will reflect on the things that bring joy to my heart. I’m assuming it’s the joy of a father, not really sure since I have never actually been one. I’ll focus on the big smile she had when she first saw us. Remembering the dimples in those cheeks and the laughter that came with them. My prayer is that this time goes by quickly and we will return soon. Until then, peace out blog… its time for some rest!

Referral

We got our referral on August 22, 2011! I cannot describe to you the excitement that I had when Jonathan jumped into the living room and said, “We got a referral, come here!" I ran into the office, and of course Cole did to, and we listened as our social worker told us all about our little girl. I cannot wait until I can share with you all the stories about Grace, but they will have to wait until we get her home with us..


I want to share with you what I wrote in my journal on the 23rd. It is a prayer to God and me talking to Grace:
When we got the referral joy leaped through my soul! Finally, a face to go with the name, the name meaning favor. God's favor that I know He has bestowed upon your precious, beautiful self. To hear the story about you broke my heart, but God heard our prayers. So many people have been praying for you since the beginning. Your grandparents, (that by the way have moved back to Columbus, just to be part of your life), family, friends, and people in churches from all around the United States and even Africa and Thailand.  The timing was so amazing and God knew where you were, Grace, and He had favor on you and placed you safely in an orphanage. Grace, God has such a special plan for your life and you are His. We have the awesome privilege to be your earthly parents but God, the Father to the fatherless, is your heavenly Father who loves you so much more then I could fathom. Your life is in His hands. He named you Grace when you were in your mother’s womb and picked Jonathan and I to be your parents before the world began. Your daddy and I have such a peace about you and we are praying everyday for you. I pray that you are taken care of, that His heavenly angels surround you and keep you safe from harm. I hope He gives you dreams about us because He is giving us dreams and it makes me all the more ready to hold you in my arms.


I want to tell you about your earthly father as well. He is an amazing man of God, and you already have him wrapped around your finger. God wakes him up at night and he is praying for you and he can't wait to hold you in his arms. He had an amazing father and such an awesome example to go by. He will be there for you and will support you. He will teach you what is most important in life and that is Jesus Christ. He will show you what it means to go and make disciples, no matter how old you are. He will show you how a man should treat a woman and how you should be honored and loved, which is the same as Christ loves the church. I can already see the sparkle in his eye as he looks at you with joy and love. I see you both zonked out on the couch, tired from the park and the hot sun. I see him saying by to you as you go to your first day of school and wondering where the time has gone.  Most of all I can not wait to see him baptize you after you have made the biggest decision of your life, to follow Jesus, no matter the cost.Taking you shopping and telling you that you will not date until you are 21, because no man will be good enough for his daughter. You Grace, are a special girl and God willing, will grow up to be a godly woman after God's heart. You have the most amazing dad and I can't wait for you to meet him. We are the luckiest girls!

The Journey Begins!

September 29, 2010, Jonathan and I set on the ledge looking out over the city of Kigali, Rwanda in the heart of Africa. We sat there talking about what God had done over the past week. I remember as if it was yesterday: Jonathan looked at me and said, "I feel God wants us to adopt." and I said, "Yes we should!" We were so excited to see what God had instore for us and so anxious to get back to America and start the process.

I will admit I had no idea how hard and trying the process would be, and I am talking about just picking an adoption agency and the country we wanted to adopt from. God knew, and one day in the mail a packet came in from America World. I sat outside, and as I opened and pulled the flap back on the light blue packet it read, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah  29:11. When I started to read about America World, God's word was saturated throughout the information and the testimonials. I was sold on the agency, and I was so ready for Jonathan to get home so he could look over everything! Now why Russia? Because that is where our daughter is, and God knew this and had it planned since the beginning of time.

  On November 3, 2010, we were accepted and approved for adoption. We were sitting in Atlanta Bread, and the call came from our agency. It was such an exciting moment, and for the first time, my emotions started, and that wouldn't be the last. We had a daughter...Was she born? How old is she? What is she doing? What does she look like? Is she safe? Is she in a good orphanage? When God would I hold her in my arms? I longed to hold her in my arms and hug and kiss her. I felt she was out there and I prayed that she was longing for a mom and dad as much as we were so eager to have our daughter.

The name Grace. Jonathan and I were at Buffalo Wild Wings one night, talking about names. Jonathan, as most guys probably do, said 1 good name for every 20 silly names that came out of his mouth. This went on for what felt like 30 minutes. Then he said "Grace," and I said, "I like it, but let's keep on thinking of names." Like most women, I had the name I wanted already predetermined, so no other name sounded as good in the moment. The next day, Jonathan, Cole, and I went to Barnes& Noble to look at baby name books. Just imagine two guys talking about baby names; it was a joke fest and nothing more. Then Cole had an idea to look for the name Taylor. We could then see what name is right above Taylor and put it together to see if it sounds good. Then Cole said Grace Taylor, and of course Jonathan said, "I told you," and again his name was winning out. We were beginning to wonder if God was showing us the name Grace. Friday night rolled around, and of course in the fall, what else is there to do but go to a highschool football game? Jonathan is the chaplain for Central High School sports, so he is always on the field for every game. That night, Troy Cook came with Cole and I to the football game. During the game I leaned over to Troy and asked him, "What is your favorite girl name?" He paused and looked at me and said, "GRACE!" Our mouths dropped; we were stunned. I even thought that Jonathan had told Troy before hand to say that, but Troy hadn't talked to Jonathan. At that moment I told God, "I get it God, her name is Grace." The confirmation on her name was amazing and just one more reason why my God is so great!